Finally I can say that I love someone(1). I can also say I miss someone (2), I wish I knew(3-4), and thank god (the rest)

1- I appreciate you, I don't know what I'd do without you and I do love you. It's just hard to. Very hard.

2- I knew that closure would make me feel this way. But I can't go back, I will not be naive.

3- I can't take it, It hurts. Please Stop calling, your not the boy I love the best I can do is avoid you because the feeling lingers just as it does for others.

4- I really do miss you, your lips are so soft and so different. Your touch is the softest i've ever felt.

So, all the lame drama is over. I basically had to chose who I wanted to be with. I really care for these three people but I picked who I wanted and I'm actually really happy. I've been corrupting him. That's what I do best :] I think this could be okay. Most people I've been with didn't really have communication with me but him and I could talk for hours. I really appreciate him. A lot of people told me he wasn't good for me but I really think they were wrong about him. I'm actually happy.. It's pretty cool :]

I added two new photos (Blood and water & maybe I like it) which were both deleted because someone reported them. I put them up again but this time I said it contains mature content (warning)
they got reported again. I wanted to know why so I went to the "help desk" and found this.

What is the policy for submissions concerning self-harm and mutilation?
DeviantART does not allow photographs of real-life self injury and mutilation to be submitted. Any such photographs will be removed immediately as they come to the attention of the staff.

Makeup effects and other simulated effects are allowed.

This is the only place I thought I could express myself. Why can't people just accept it? I'm not killing myself. It's something I enjoy. Something I love. It's not because of deppression. I couldn't put those pictures anywhere else. This is the only place i've been able to express myself and now I can't. you could say i'm just complaining but really, I just wish people could understand.

Today couldn't have been any worse. I saw my friend cry today. I should have stayed there but i left. I went to go waste my time yet again. The same shit. Why does this always happen? Why does every single person i meet and grow feelings for, Fucking rips me apart? I really don't understand it. I wish i could just find someone who gave a shit. Or have no emotions at all. I hate this. I just can't believe all the shit he said to me. All the fucking crap I heard. People said oh, don't hurt him, don't cheat on hi before i was ever even close to him. I'm just so tired of people making me feel like I'm worthless. I have been positive in every other situation but when it comes to relationships, I'm about to just give up because all i do is waste my time. It's like everyone wants to hurt me. The next time a boy pulls out his guitar and sings to me, I might just introduce mr. sledgehammer to his face. I'm just going to go after the people I really want. Not the people that come up to me.. which is rare anyway. I just really need someone who gives a shit. Someone who understands why i am the way i am instead of running away or lying about why they don't want to be with me.

Sometime people are so full of pain, They need to forget it. Some people grab a beer or go have a smoke. something to make you happy just for a moment. But this is yet another example of me being different. I take lilith and drag her blade into my skin until I feel that sweet sharp pain. People see my scars sometimes and assume why they are there. I don't do it because I want to focus on another sort of pain. I do it because it excites me. But to be honest, It normally upsets me more because it's done with my own hands and the taste is to farmiliar to me now. I need someone to let me know I don't have to be ashamed of myself. Most people can't understand why it's so hard to find someone for me. Well this is just a small example of why they would play such a large part in my life. But it seems impossible. Everyone i've been with, I've kept a lot from because it's better they don't know. I know they wouldn't get it. It's always been that way. I'm young, I get it. But I feel so damn old. I really do.

If touch declared how people felt, I'd be in love.